Stay With Me

I'm scared to lose you, Cant you see that?
I know im not the only girl, you're seeing. It hurt to know that.
I shed every tear for you.
You say im crazy, Cause you think i don't know what you're doing?
I'm always saying to myself, You are better than that,
But im failing to believe that.
Do you really think I'm Blind.
I know what your doing?
I know im not the only one.
But you know that i need you here with me.
ive always needed you. I need you here with me now.
I've loved you for many years, But maybe I'm just not enough for you.
I know I'm not the only one..
So, why am i putting you as my first.
You play me like a game, thinking i was the only one.
Now, im seeing the real you.
The one that Longs for me, That cares for me, That doesnt want anybody to be with me,
Also, The one that you're afraid to lose..
Make me the only one.
Stay with me, and I'll promise you, that ill protect you, and love you with all my Hell.
I'll forgive you for the pain you have caused me.
For the long nights I have cried,
For the heart that ached for you, when you were gone.
For all the confusion you have made me think,
All the sorrow, and doubts,..
Stay with me, For now you have revealed my Fear.
Which was losing you all along...

I Want Him, Only Him.

I'm in love with this man that means the world to me. I don't know how much I love this man. He's my everything. It took me this long to finally understand what my heart is feeling. I've been with other guy's, but at the end of the day. I would think of him. Even when I wake up I would still think about him.
I'm not sure whether I'm obsessed , or actually feeling this so call Love. Every time I hear his voice, it drives me crazy to know that he still thinking about me, even when he hardly talk. That he still looks after me, even when I'm not actually with him, for him to hold. He gives me the butterflies, when I think about him, or when planning a day to visit him. He makes my heart beat so fast when I see his picture hanging on my wall.
He knows that I would do anything for him. I think he would sometimes be jealous cause I'm with other people but he should always know that I will always want him forever. I may have more questions that are a bit to deep to tell him, cause we hardly talk the talk. When I have the question in my head I just wait for the right moment to tell him. Otherwise he might think the wrong way. Like if I cant tell him anything, when I tell him everything.
He knows that I'm crazy for him. I have my moments.
I lust for his touch, laugh, smile, eyes, ufff... Especially his hair.

 He's my one and only Prince Charming.
Forever in my heart. <3

Wrong Turn

 What did i do.?? Am i doing the right thing. i have no idea.
I'm ruining someone's life, someone's relationship.
I cant keep doing this, but to me it feels so right.
What's wrong with me. I have to end this.
The guy that wished i was his girlfriend, the guy that loves what i do, just to see a smile on his face.

He's the guy that makes mi smile, have really crazy conversation, and brings me passion.

The wrong thing, is that he has a girlfriend, and his girlfriend is pregnant. I just cant hop in and ruin something that was already whole. I'm not that person.
I'm just helping him deal with the things that is making him unhappy.
But i dont seem to have that answer quite yet.

He tells me that his girlfriend is going to leave him and be the her baby daddy of her other kids.
or, i think thats what he is afraid of.
I honestly dont know..
I took the wrong turn, and had to get involve with someone that already had somebody.

It feels right, cause i know he wants me, more than anything. I just cant do it because he's in a relationship with one of my family member..
Jeee.. i get so afraid.. I feel like crying.. and feel like punishing myself for all the wrong turn i have taken in life.

I told him i cant love him, i cant be with him, but somewhere in the near future we can be something.
He told me he has plans for us, to meet again. i have my hope he was going to say that.

But im only 16... he's like 4/5 older than me..
I cant fix this problem. He's already attach to me..
That wasnt part of the plan.. It was all about helping him in his relationship he has going on. And making them understand each other.

He just has that smile, and the way he looks at me.. The way he touches me, it's that OMG feeling.The way he kisses me. ufff..

In the same time i dont want to stop it, he tells me these things that are planned in the future and im just like, mmmm, im liking where this is going.

even though i should just quit. But honestly im just giving him what he pleases, Giving him what he wants.
this whole situation is just an i dont know..

All i know is that i dont want to stop, but in the same time i have to.

"Sometimes you cant let go of what's making you sad
because it was the only thing that made you happy."

Remember my Words

Another Day, Another Line.
You choose Her, Time after Time.
I'll write yet another poem about why I'm sad.
I'm so sick of it all, I miss feeling Glad.
'm tired of writing these poems that never put me at ease.
If Someone knows the way out of this HeartAche, Don't hesitate to tell me, Please
People say " You'll be Okay," and smile right at you.
And your thinking, " Yeah Right, You don't know what I'm going through."
Do you know what It's like to feel, like you'll never feel Happy?
Or What it's like to feel like you have to scratch your eyes out, Just so you couldn't see..??
Even as I write these words, my breath is filled with Sighs.
Because they remind me of you, so I slowly begin to cry.
It's not fair, this feeling that's left me bare.
It's not fair that I'm still missing you,
And you don't even care.
You made it Obvious, When you let my world turn Dark.
I stare lifelessly at everyone, on my heart, You left a Mark.
My feeling have been told.
I hope you remember my word
Till the day You are Grey and Old...

Kryptonite

She runs, runs and runs. Running her way up the stairs. Trying to reach the rooftop.
As she climbs up and watches the town and all the cars drive by and hearing the sound of the city.
She cries, while looking back thro memories. She's wondering what has happen that got her to the position she is in.
She's feels the cold breeze flowing thro her body, giving her the chills. Making her cold.
She stands, thinking. Thinking if anyone will save her if she jumps, or will anyone notice her is she's gone. She doesn't know what to do, everything just went so fast, she doesn't even know what happen.
Everything she has done for people, and people treat her like if she is just a play toy.
"Should I jump, or should I just walk away alive?" she thinks to herself.

3 weeks ago.
"Happy Birthday!!!" she said to her friend. "Woah, what happen??" she questioned. "Ohh, my sister got me a big present which was a sofa, of course." He said disappointedly. "So, now I have to rearrange my room, and im thinking of getting rid of my bed since i don't use it." He said thoughtfully.
 She just stayed quiet since he was doing a lot of thinking. His family members tried helping him, but it only got him frustrated. He kept looking at her, a lil sign of him thinking sharply. She was standing there, trying to make herself helpful, but nothing came in mind of what to move since she doesn't know how he wants it. "OHH!! I know how I want my room" he said excitedly. "Everybody out, out!" he commanded. "Maria, you stay" he said. "Okaii" she replied.
So, while they were fixing his room, trying to get things in place, but it took hours. They were halfway done. She came across her head and suddenly thought. " I should stay over until he finishes fixing his room". She told him, but he got a lil worry. "Wont your dad get mad??" he questioned.
She didn't want him to get worry, so she said " No"
They notice that it was getting dark out. So they only put in things he needed. He got really worried and sent her to her dad's house. She went to her dad's house, but didn't go in. she was afraid of what he might say. So, she came back and said " My dad doesn't want to open the door." She slept in the couch while he slept on the floor. She couldn't fall asleep.
once it struck 3:30 she feel asleep.
The next day when she woke up.
She woke up like if nothing ever happened. Eventually, he dad thought that she was at her Mom's house, and her mom thinks she was at her dad's house.
Then they finishes putting his room together. just the way he wanted. They went to go throw some trash away, and put some stuff in the storage.
Later on he told her " Thank you sooo much, for being here. I wouldn't have finished without you. Honestly that was the best present I could have ever have. Thank you." She blushed and said "Your welcome, I wouldn't leave you alone thro all the trouble you have gone thro today and on your birthday, honestly I wouldn't have left until you were finish, I knew you couldn't do it yourself."
So, they went home and took a shower getting ready for people to come over and celebrate his birthday. They both were watching the soccer game and eating posole.
Later on that day, her brother came in the room and said " My mom wants you to go to my dad's house right now." "okaii" she replied. As he said " Thank you again and go and get in trouble."
He was right, she did get in trouble.
For sleeping over at his house and also lying about it. Her dad got mad and wanted to hurt her. Her mom just yelled at her and went to work. They were both saying stuff about how much they didn't want her, and on what to do with her.
She hears their conversation and decided " If they don't want me, then ill go and be with him, I don't need them." She was locked in her dad's house until her mom gets back from work. She didn't want to be there she wanted to go back over at his house. Her dad forced her brother not to let her out. Her dad tried to hurt her, so, she went inside the restroom and stayed inside there the whole day until her mom gets back. She was talking to him thro facebook, telling him how scared she is, that her own parents might kick her out or even send her away. He was being soo nice, trying to keep her calm and faithful. When her mom got back and came for her. She got out of the restroom. Her mom told her why she was acting like a lil kid. She just stayed quiet. Never said a word.
When she got to her room, she gathered her things and left. More like a runaway mission.
Of course her mom found her at His house. She started to cry. But none of them knew how Maria felt deep down inside. Maria felt like she belongs with him.
There was something in him that she kept saying she wants to be with him.
She cant even stop for a minute and not think about him. He is 24/7 in her head.
Thinking about him, is destroying her, slowly. She doesn't even know it.
Things got complicated, she doesn't even remember what happen.
That's when she found herself on tops of a very tall building.

She was tired of everything that was going wrong in her life. She decided if she dies everything will be peaceful.
" Everybody is going to be happy without me in their life." She said sadly.
She jumps....
Falling and falling..
Next thing you know she is flying someone caught her from reaching to the ground and ending her life.
when she looked to see who it was... It was Him..
Her Superman have saved her..
She said to him " Superman? I'm your kryptonite, im ruining your life."
He said, "No, your just the beginning of something new, something fresh."
They didn't know what they both were getting themselves into.
But, like always, every story has a happy ending.
They left the state and went to Tokyo, Japan. where they both starting their lives fresh and new.
They lived happily, Everybody back in the state thought they were dead.
With their names changed , they were unstoppable. They got married.
Flew back into state a couple of years later, went to visit their parents, telling them the good news.
First that they were not dead, second, they got married, and third they are moving back to their hometown.
Superman, fell in love with a  lil stone name Kryptonite..
P.S which Is weird . hahaha cx

What i think of me.

There was a girl, she had many problems and made a lot of mistakes.
For some reason when the worst things happens,
she still manage to keep a smile on her face.
She seems like if nothing happen.
Shes that strong enough to hold in all the pain and let it all go at the right time.
Reading, writing, playing, and listening has made her things a lil bit better,
Reading stories about God, Vampires, Zombies, Horror, Comedy and Anime.
Writing about her problems, stories, thoughts, feelings, and experience.
Playing, Soccer, basketball, tennis, volleyball, and video games.
Hearing music, people, nature's sounds, screaming from the neighbors, and the News.

A girl that has so many memories that haunt her.
But, shes facing her fears, standing up for herself.
Making sure that she has nothing to bring her down.
Staying strong, doing things she loves.
That's just her personality.
That's who she is.

When someone ruins her day, she tend to stay quiet.
Not saying a single word. Just very silent.
Someone asks what wrong.
She's not going to speak.
She's trying to forget it, but like I said memories haunt her.

Then she goes home, and lets out everything.
Sometimes it's better to just hold it in.
So, her brother, or mom wont say what's wrong.
Instead she lets the blade talk.
Doing all the talking, and all the feeling.
It's easier that way.

She's a very different girl.
I mean good different.
When shes around friend, she's just an amazing and funny person.
Yeah she may not get guys attention cause she doesn't want attention.
She just want to make new friends.
But shes careful cause some friends might betray her.
She lost part of herself, when the worst started happening.

She pretends to be someone she's not.
Cause after all, it's the people who also made her that way
She has a lot of personality.
Funny, amazing, awesome, Loving, personality
and There goes the worst personality
Dark, depressing, suicidal, sad, angry, confused,

She doesn't know what she wants,
She wants someone special to care for her the way she cares for him.
I mean not everybody gets what they want.
But it's hard to not feel something.
Things tend to go different ways.

People just don't understand her, and when they do.
They just get some part, not all.
She has unsolved problems, that keeps coming to her everytime she is happy.
She keeps facing it, trying to ignore it.

But, when she holds in anger
The horribly side of her,
comes and controls her mind and body,
and when all that is released.
She doesn't remember what happened.

Suicide

Why must I feel this way?
Why are you on my mind?
Where's my lil razor blade?
I need, I want, I have
Thoughts of dieing with depressing purpose.
Thinking of no one but me.
Sitting in a dark room.
Wondering what my next step.
Am I ready to die?
Am I ready to give up my life?
Everybody that has courage me to die.
You can finally get your wish.
For I am thinking I'm ready to die.
What is this I smell, I taste?
I smell Fear, I taste blood.
Thinking back of the darkest memories,
giving me more reason to cut even more deeper to my veins.
The happy memories are slowly fading.
Their not strong enough to hold me together.
All i can remember is.
being abuse by my father, and getting away with it.
Running away cause nobody ever trusted me.
Cutting my beautiful skin,
Ruining God's precious gift.
Leaving everything behind,
Leaving the people that actually care behind.
For I am not good enough no more.
Death is all I think of.
Darkest places, Darkest color.
Never be Happy for it will ruin your day.
I am not alone,
I am not the only person who thinks this,
What's next?
Who should I give out my blessing, my goodbyes ?
I'm running out of time.
Should I scream?
Should I call the Ambulance?
Should I stay silent?
I don't know??
Should I give myself another life?
Should I start fresh with wounds scars?
Suicide is a Thought,
A Thought of many questions,
A thought of Death.
For that makes me Suicidal.
Feeling quite dizzy.
I see my blood spreading thro my floor.
Never seem to do anything about it.
Enjoying the Blood of my Life.
Slowly flowing away from me.
I close my eyes, saying a silent prayer.
for my life is going to a better place.
For I am free in peace.
For I will live longer in the spiritual world.
My pain will vanish away my heart.\
I am Happy,
Goodbye...